fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
