I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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