Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
