Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
