You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
