i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
