I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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