Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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