I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
