If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the day after is always just damage control
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
