I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
