dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
