Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
