Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
