I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
