We're like a lot better than the average bears
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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