Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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