If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
