Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
