I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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