doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
