what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
