Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
