swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
