you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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