READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize