i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Even my vagina gasped.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
