Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
