Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
