Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
