It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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