My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
