Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
