you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
