when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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