His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
