Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
