I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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