Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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