haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
