I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
