i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
