I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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