Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
