I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
