I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
