i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
