i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
