I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
