Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
