Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
