whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I didn't shave. On purpose
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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