I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
