So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
