Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
