btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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