I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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