Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
