For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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