I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
