i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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