i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
