five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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