I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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