so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
