Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
