One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
