I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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