i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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