go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
