Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
