He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
